Volume 24　子育てって大変？


Learning Process for Kids and Parents

Ann: And then what about grounding? Did you guys have that? Did you or didn't you?

Michael: No. I-no.

Ann: No?

Michael: That was, I knew of it, again, 'cause of the influence of American television, but it wasn't something I ever had when I was growing up.

Ann: Right.

Michael: I don't think it was particularly common.

Ann: Grounding, I don't know if people know what that means, but to get grounded, or to be grounded, meant that you were, you cannot go out and play with your friends for a certain amount of time. So if you do something bad, maybe your parents would say, "OK, you're grounded for a week," OK? And so that means you can go to school and then you have to come right home, right? And that was, actually, also common when I was growing up.

Michael: Was it effective? An effective punishment?

Ann: Um, I think often it was. It was. I think it's less common now because in America there's a, an emphasis on what they call natural consequences, right? And natural consequences means, like, so, let's say that I, you know, I use your toolbox. OK? You're my dad, OK?

Michael: Ha-ha.

Ann: And I use his toolbox and I don't put it away after. I leave all the hammer and the nails and everything out on the floor, and then I go away. So you come back and everything's a big mess, right? So the natural consequences in that case would be next time I would like to use his toolbox I'm not permitted to. Because it's directly connected to the toolbox, right? So, was opposed to hitting, like, hitting the child or grounding them, right? Because hitting them is not, you know, considered, in that way, a natural consequence.

Michael: Mm.

Ann: 'Cause you can hit them but it doesn't mean they're gonna learn, you know, about putting things away, right? Anything that surprised you about being a parent? Like . . . 

Michael: Everything!

Ann: . . . when you-ha-ha!

Michael: I became a parent comparatively late, really.

Ann: Mm.

Michael: I was 41 when my first kid was born, I have three now. And it's like suddenly you have this tiny human being and no instruction manual. 

Ann: Ha-ha.

Michael: "Wha-what do I do?"

Ann: Ha-ha.

Michael: So, it is a learning process - not just for the kids, for the parents as well.

Ann: Yeah. 

Michael: Yeah. And I think, you know, before you become a parent, that's something a lot of people are very afraid of. They think that their life is going to change so much, they're gonna be miserable. They're gonna be just, ugh - all those wonderful things they used to do, they can't do any more. But you cross that line; you have your kid, the world changes. And you realize, "Hey, this is great. Yes, my life has changed, but it's changed for the better."

Ann: Yeah, I think that's true. I mean, actually, I have to say it was a, it's a lot more fun than I would have thought.

Michael: Yeah.


Ann: And I think one of the things is children are very in the moment. They're very present, you know? They're not, like, thinking about the past or worrying about the future, you know? They're just existing in that moment, and I find that very refreshing. So I think we have to actually wrap up, with this, uh . . .

Michael: Oh.

Ann: . . . with this topic for now. But we would like to move into the question and answer session . . .